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Maxwell's Billet Doux: Believing in Mr. Right

Billet-Doux: n. (bĭl'ā dōō, or "billa doo") A love letter. (literally "sweet letter" in French)

A lover should be treated no different than you want to be treated. Everyone wants true love, don't they? Real romance, with a happy ending? I know I do.

I grew up believing in fairy tales. We just have to get over the superficial things of this world. Have you ever said no to a date with a guy because he was too short, fat, bald, had no sense of style, poor, or something like that? Well, maybe you missed out on a part of your fairy tale. Expand your horizons and don't just look at the exterior.

The interior is more important. You can always change someone's exterior, but their heart is much more difficult. The key is to never give up on romance.

Oftentimes as humans, we make quick judgments, but if we just look past the things society tells us are attractive, then maybe we would not only find the man for us but also join as a community and start accepting one another.

Here are some great tips to having a lasting relationship. Start out as a date to create a friendship, whether you meet him on Grindr, Scruff, at a bar, the gym, a grocery store, wherever. When he asks for your number, give it to him if you're interested in him. But if he asks you out over a text message, reply with something cute like, "Oh, I don't go out with guys who don't call me and ask." If it scares him away, he's usually not worth it. Yes, we have the great invention of texting, but it's much more intimate for a man to call and ask you out on a date. Make him set the date and time.

The first date is crucial. If he shows up at your house and honks, stay inside. You're not his best friend or a call boy. It's important for a man to know if he's picking you up, he can walk up to the door and ring the bell. Yes, it's old-fashioned but so is going on a real first date.

If he doesn't have a plan for the first date, that's not a great sign, but give him a chance. Maybe he's trying to get a feel for what you like first before he chooses a restaurant. If he takes you to a local bar or eatery where he knows everyone , run! Because that is not fun for you as the date. You don't want to meet his friends before you know the man’s full name.

If his first date plans are to sit at home and watch a movie, keep pushing because he's not a man … he's still a boy and you know what’s on his mind. And no man who is ready to seriously court wants to entertain a boy.

The perfect first date should end with the perfect first kiss. I watch a lot of romance movies, thanks to my roommate who is obsessed with love. And through my own experiences and my own trial and error, here is the trick to keep him coming back for more. You need to pull your lips away and end the kiss before he does. Not too early, but before it feels like it’s turning into a “let’s make love” kiss. Cut it off! He will be bewildered and want more and more.

A lot of times I've found myself stuck in situations where the first date turns into sex. And let’s just say I've had a lot of first and last dates because the sex was just that. Sex. No meaning behind it.

I’ve tried everything to keep a dating life going: Being masculine, being feminine, being in drag, being a top or a bottom or a vers. I've tried being aggressive, even being a sir. When it came down to another date after sex, it was far and few between. Usually the situation turns into no dates, only sleeping together, and that is not a relationship.

What was I lacking? What are we lacking? Are we lacking true romance in real life? Maybe Disney had it right all along. Someday will my Prince will come?

Maybe holding out is romantic. Maybe our grandparents had it right. Maybe it's what we as men (or maybe just me) have been missing all along. So going forward, if you feel like you really are into someone and might have a chance, hold out and try a few great date nights first. You might even find yourself nervous when the time comes to go all the way.

A lot of relationships are very hot and heavy at first. It's like everything is going along smoothly, then seems to die out. Those kinds of situations are lacking a key element that help make a partnership work: communication.

In one of my recent close relationships, the intimacy was there. What was lacking was the ability for the man to communicate his feelings into words. He could show me how he felt with gifts, but couldn't translate the gifts into words. It pushed me to do things I never thought I would, even breaking his heart. I tried making it up to him, but once I lost trust, trying to get him to communicate was beyond difficult. Eventually the lack of trust and communication suffocated the relationship like a lid over a burning candle. So men, learn the art of communicating. It will create a lasting friendship.

If you're mad, feel like something is missing, horny, or just love a person and you're afraid to tell them, discuss it. Don't leave it hidden or unspoken. I understand that everyone has walls, but letting them down just a little might turn Mr. Right Now into Mr. Right.

I still haven't found my perfect companion, but I know he's out there. And I believe yours is too. You just have to believe.

Take it from me.



San Diego native Dustin Maxwell grew up all over America's Finest City. After graduating from Ramona High School, attending Palomar College, and a two year apprenticeship, "Dusty" became a certified hair stylist. For the last ten years, he has also performed his way around town in companies such as San Diego Gay Men's Chorus, the Starlight Theatre and a plethora of other local community theaters. Maxwell is also co-founder of an all male burlesque troupe, The Boylesque Tomcats. In his free time, he works closely with local fashion designers putting together extravagant runway shows and large social events. He currently manages a popular local eatery in the heart of downtown, as well as two specialty boutiques in the area. With his flare for performing and fashion, you are sure to see him out and about making San Diego a little more vibrant and exciting. He can be reached at MAXWELLSBILLETDOUX@aol.com