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Fruit Fly in the City: A straight girl trying to make it in a gay world

Most women would kill to wake up with four gorgeous men in their bed. Lucky for me, I've had the opportunity.

Yes, I said it. Now, the fact that all of the men are gay may put a damper on my fabulous escapade. None of them would touch me with a 10-foot pole. Most of them would rather make out with big hairy men (referred to as "bears") over me.

But I can enjoy a moment in the arms of my moodle (man poodle) while my other moodle is spooning me. Aaaahhh! So nice!

I have to sit back and laugh sometimes because I don't know how I get myself in these dead-end situations. Perhaps I should start from the beginning.

I live in America's Finest City in the heart of the gayborhood. I have more gay friends than I do straight ones. This would be perfectly fine if I were gay but I'm as straight as a board. Yup, straight. I'm sure most of the people peeking into my life think I'm stuck in the closet. That's cool. Let me clear it up for you. Life would be so much easier if I were a lesbian. Aaaww shucks! It just so happens I'm strickly dickly.

Although I reside in San Diego, I was born and raised in Orlando, Fla. I've had a gay friend in every single city that I've lived in. I swear I don't go looking for them. I attract gay men like a twink to a cosmo. Don't get me wrong. I love them all! They have been some of my dearest friends and I think they love me, too. I think ...

When I moved here in January 2009, it was in an effort to change my life and start off fresh in the most beautiful city in America. It only took one gay friend, Scottie Kumquat – who I met because he randomly sat next to me in job training – to introduce me to all of Hillcrest (aka - the gayborhood).

This is not to say that my straight friends don't love me. They do. I just don't think they understand it all. Where most of them would be completely out of their element in the gayborhood, I feel right at home; so strange yet so fitting for a gal like me.

In my openness to be introduced to this marvelous world, I have learned shocking things that would make mouths drop in the straight scene. Mine did. If it wasn't for the alcohol at most of these establishments that my moodles (term of endearment) drag (no pun intended) me to, I'd be crapping in my pants. Sobriety does not go well for a straight girl in the gay world.

If you're not gay or not familiar with gay terminology, then you're probably wondering what a "fruit fly" is. A fruit fly is a girl with a lot of gay men at her side. I've always hated the term "fag hag” because it is demeaning and it doesn't suit me. I'm too fabulous for a title like that. So when my roommate and best friend, Donny Banana, introduced the term "fruit fly," it felt more appealing. Let's be real, people!

In an effort to educate those who may live their life in a box and to entertain the gay men and women who love me, I've decided to document my comical experiences. Some of it may be a little extreme at times but I'm writing this to entertain. If you can't take the heat, get out of my kitchen!

If you see me in the streets of Hillcrest, it's in the name of research. Who knows, you may just be featured in my latest article. I'll be watching and listening. Otters, wolves and bears beware!


S.T. Fernandez, America's Finest Fruit Fly,

You can view this and other articles on my blog at www.AmericasFinestFruitFly.com. These are my documented experiences of a straight girl in the gayborhood. While I am a novelist, I feel inspired to make others laugh by writing about the situations I've experienced as a result of hanging out with my moodles. Thanks for the content, my friends!