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Filth2Go, February 5, 2010

"I hope you die, so I can be the last Golden Girl!" - According to the New York Daily News, this is the card that accompanied the flowers Betty White sent to Rue McClanahan, who is recovering from a stroke. We're told Rue laughed out loud - and looked over her shoulder!

Have I mentioned that my birthday is coming up? Some of you may be reading this on the actual day - which, for the record, is February 13th. One of the few constants in my life is that I have spent most of my adult birthdays in Ft. Lauderdale. And yet, since buying a place there, this has not been the case - because Big Mama and Big Daddy have commandeered it for the entire month of February. I suppose I have to share my special day - without them, I surely wouldn't be here. So I have a new tradition - I spend my birthday with the divinely talented Jenifer Lewis. Fortuitously, the 13th is also the opening night of her new show, "Hot Flash", which is at (and will benefit) the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center. She'll be there every Saturday through March 6th. I'll probably be there most weeks, so come by, see a great show, and support a great cause.

Obviously this is gonna be another one of those "Billy Masters and Friends" columns. My buddy Greg Louganis will be appearing in "The Little Dog Laughed" which is part of the Broadway Series at the Indian Wells Theater on Cal State's Palm Desert campus. This is interesting for a variety of reasons. First of all, he'll be playing a devastatingly handsome up-and-coming movie actor who is the last person anyone would think is gay. Tom Everett Scott was 36 when he did it on Broadway. Rupert Friend is 28 and is current playing the part in London. So given Greg just turned 50, this will add a fascinating dimension to the play. Then there's the question of the nudity, which I know you'll all be particularly interested in. Needless to say, I'm gonna head out to see it sometime during the run (April 16-25), so I will definitely give you a full report.

But that's not all. Greg has launched a campaign to be cast on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars". I think that's a brilliant idea and would love to see him on the show. However, I'm told producers feel Greg has too much dance experience and not enough star power. Uh, check your previous rosters, people - compared to some of the DWTS alum, he's Michael Phelps (to me, he's bigger). By the way, rumor has it Pamela Anderson is in the running to join the "Dancing" cast. They must have added the ever-popular "Lap Dance" to the competition!

I know it's too early to have a favorite story of the year, but this one is definitely in the running. On February 4th, male model Nick Snider was arrested for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct in Batesville, Arkansas. When the police first approached him, he told them, "I am a very famous model." And he's right - Snider was named the world's fifth most successful male model by "Forbes" in 2008. Alas, this didn't impress the cop, who arrested Nick and put him in the back of the patrol car to bring him to the county jail where he would be charged with public intoxication and disorderly conduct. During the ride, Snider allegedly told Deputy Brian Luetschwager, "If you stop [the car], I'll suck your dick and balls if you let me go." Shockingly, this approach was not successful. He repeated the offer to policemen at the jail (and, I'm guessing, to some of his fellow inmates). He did manage to accomplish one thing - he was also charged with illegally attempting to influence a public servant.

Bette Midler just wrapped up her VERY successful run at The Coliseum at Caesars Palace. Celine Dion sent a video, chastising Bette for singing her song (Midler does a bit of "My Heart Will Go On"). BTW, rumors abound that Celine will be back at Caesars shortly. Marie Osmond reminded everyone that she's celebrating 45 years of performing in Vegas. And the lovely and ageless Gladys Knight explained how she convinced Bette that she could (and should) do the show - and paid tribute to Midler with her exquisite rendition of "The Way We Were". Since we got a great audio of the show, we'll run some clips and pics from the finale on BillyMasters.com.

Obviously since Bette was in Vegas, she couldn't be at the Grammys or participate in the "We Are The World" remake that took place the next day. You'll recall that when the original was recorded in 1985, Bette was prominently featured - in the chorus. I will never forget it, you know. She was standing next to La Toya Jackson, who was wearing a headband. Bette felt naked! But, back to our story. A gaggle of Grammy winners (and losers) were on hand for this special recording session. Folks like Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, Usher, Pink, the Jonas Brothers, Jamie Foxx, Natalie Cole, Josh Groban, Celine Dion, Tony Bennett, Harry Connick Jr., Jennifer Hudson, among others. Janet Jackson is slated to re-record her brother Michael's part, while Barbara Streisand sang the lines originally recorded by Diana Ross. That'll kill her.

Not to be outdone, Simon Cowell corralled his own group of pop stars to record REM's "Everybody Hurts". For his effort, he enlisted Miley Cyrus (I believe the only person on both charity singles), Mariah Carey, Jon Bon Jovi, Susan Boyle, Kylie Minogue, James Blunt, Mika, Rod Stewart, Leona Lewis, Michael Bublé, Robbie Williams, members of Take That and Westlife, among others.

On a far more shallow note, photos have surfaced of the Kellan Lutz underwear ad for Calvin Klein - and they're hot! But Kellan has some competition - CK also shot sizzling Mehcad Brooks, Fernando Verdasco and Hidetoshi Nakata. Abs and baskets everywhere! They all look amazing, and they'll all turn up on BillyMasters.com.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Nate in Key West: "Have you seen 'The Secret Life of the American Teenager'? Brando Eaton plays a gay student and he's gorgeous! What do you know about him? And what pics do you have? And is he gay in real life?"

That name sounded so familiar to me, and then it hit me - I recently ran a clip of him from "Dexter". Before that, he was naked with Seann William Scott. Not in real life (that I know of), but in the film "Balls Out". Sure, with that cast and that title, it sounds like a gay porn. Seann's playing tennis in a jock strap, and he and Brando end up in the shower together. And yet it's not porn - it's just a bad film no one saw! Most people know Brando from "Zoey 101", a show one of my nieces watched. He's even hotter in the show Nate is writing about, which is on ABC Family Channel - a station I don't believe I've ever turned on. We did track down some clips of him with his shirt off and he's quite spectacular. Although he plays gay convincingly, there's no evidence that he is in real life. However, he's obviously a supporter. Last summer, he appeared in a parody of the film "Quarantine", which was called "Queerantine"! In this short, kids in a high school caught "the gay" after being taught about same-sex marriage. He's seen briefly running through the halls in a towel. Loads of pics and clips on BillyMasters.com.

When a top model is begging to bottom, it's definitely time to end yet another column. We ran so long this week, I barely have time to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com for all your salacious celebrity needs. If you've got salacious personal needs, feel free to write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Greg and Pamela dance in their old swimsuits! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.