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Filth2Go January 29, 2010

"And WHY has Joy Behar turned into such a self righteous cooz head? CHEATING is between a husband and a wife. Not TMZ and Joy Bewhore... God, I want to bash her in the vagina with her microphone." - Kirstie Alley's violent Twitter outburst after watching the non-stop Tiger Woods coverage on La Behar's HLN show. I smell a cat fight - in bikinis and mud.

We're in the temporary lull that sets in between the Golden Globes and the Oscars (the SAG Awards, while fun, don't really count - and I'm a member!). So life in Hollywood goes on as normal - or whatever passes for that these days. With all the talk about FOX wanting to pick up Conan (which they will, incidentally), people might have missed the news that the network has also ordered a US version of "Torchwood". The UK hit starring our own John Barrowman is must-see TV for those of you with BBC America. We're told that Russell Davies, who created the original, will write the script and the original production team has been signed should this project get off the ground. But you don't care about that. You just wanna know if John Barrowman will be in the US version? He's indicated he would do it if FOX wanted him. Working against him are two failed domestic series - "Central Park West" (CBS 1995) and "Titans" (NBC 2000). On the positive side, Barrowman goes to FOX without any baggage - positive or negative. For now, we're waiting to see what the brass thinks of the script and if they'll order a pilot. Fingers crossed.

As you've probably heard, "Ugly Betty" has been cancelled. ABC hoped moving the show to Wednesdays would bring back viewers, but no such luck. The producers and network came to this decision early so that the show could wrap up some storylines prior to a big series finale. And, along the way, we'll get some interesting guest stars. Hilda's baby daddy Bobby will be gaining some parents - Lainie Kazan and Nestor Serrano. Broadway vet Brian Stokes Mitchell will arrive as Wilhelmina's ex. And Liza will play Justin's drama teacher. She starts shooting this week and is scheduled to end by February 12th - just in time for her latest knee replacement surgery. She's the only person I know who has had four of these. What is she? A horse?

Dick Van Dyke returned to his roots by appearing in one of his best-loved vehicles - "Mary Poppins". The place was the fabulous Ahmanson Theatre here in LA where the touring company of "Poppins" is playing through February 7th. He reprised his role from the movie - but not "Bert". Nope, he played "Mr. Dawes", the elderly bank president. Although that character is not in this stage adaptation, they made an exception and on January 22nd, Dick was back in "Mary Poppins". He did it to raise money for the Midnight Mission, which helps LA homeless. They auctioned off tickets for this special performance, which was also attended by quite a few members of D23, the official community for Disney fans. They actually were the ones who got the tip-off of what would be happening, so if you're into Disney (and who isn't), check out D23.com and you'll land in the happiest place on....well, on line! As to Dick, we'll run some pics and clips on BillyMasters.com.

Even someone as cynical as moi can appreciate the efforts being made on behalf of the Haitians. Some appear to be more genuine than others. I was particularly touched when I saw photos of the always enjoyable Kellan Lutz donating a basket of clothes to relief efforts. Not surprisingly, most of those clothes were shirts. Well, how often does he wear 'em? Not that I'm complaining. This gesture came on the heels of a professional disappointment. Lutz was up for the lead in a remake of "Conan the Barbarian". I had a feeling he was in trouble when I heard sexy Jared Padelecki was being considered. How surprised was I (and those hotties) when Jason Momoa landed the part. For those of you who don't know, Jason is a "Baywatch" and "Stargate: Atlantis" alum. I smell a direct-to-DVD release.

I certainly never get tired of watching the ever earnest Anderson Cooper reporting from Haiti. Is it just me or are his T-shirts getting tighter? And I don't think he's getting any bigger. I think he's shopping at Baby Gap! Maybe he's trying to save money since his search for a new home in New York is over. In September he purchased a former Greenwich Village firehouse for the bargain price of $4.3 million. The sprawling building is under consideration with the National Register of Historic Places and is still equipped with a spiral staircase and brass firepole - which I'm sure will come in handy. If it only came with firemen. Eh, I'm sure a few firemen will eventually come - especially when the place is flaming!

We hear that former gay porn star Jay Armstrong is having some trouble in his real life. Reportedly, the power bottom is in law school and one of his professors has threatened him via e-mail, saying he "needed psychiatric help for working in the adult industry" and that there were consequences for his vulgar past career. We're told Armstrong is filing a harassment suit against the professor, which should make for interesting class discussion. Maybe his professor is just doing this to see how he handles it - like a mock trial. If so, I say give him an "A".

Michael Verdugo had quite a nice life going. He was a police officer in Hollywood, Florida and appeared as a contestant on HGTV's "Design Star". The police had no problems with him being on HGTV. Alas, the added publicity meant that people learned of his porn past...brief as it may have been. He literally did a 15-minute bondage scene in "Rope Rituals" (which you can watch on BillyMasters.com - it's HOT) which shows more than the department was comfortable with. As a result, he was fired - allegedly because he did not disclose his past on his initial application. He also was not invited to the "Design Star" reunion, which really sucks. Personally, I think a porn past is de rigueur for HGTV! Anyhoo, he's filed a civil suit against the Hollywood Police Department for wrongful termination and discrimination. In the meantime, he's put his interior designing skills to good use with Verdugo Design Group. And he's got a boyfriend who is a field training officer for the Pembroke Pines Police. Someone's doing something right - especially when he looks this good!

The lines between reality TV and porn are being blurred more and more, and leave it to the fabulous Chi Chi La Rue to catapult right over that line. She met Steven Daigle, the "gay cowboy" from "Big Brother" at the wrap party for the reality show's 10th season and they stayed in touch. Bing, bang, boom, she's got him in a movie...bottoming! "Steven Daigle XXXposed" is the latest release from C1R.com, and shows the reality star in a new - and revealing - light. We'll run some pics on BillyMasters.com, but I say just buy the DVD.

Speaking of exposure, someone sent me a nude photo of Jesus Luz. It's allegedly an outtake from the "W" magazine shoot with Madonna. Is it real? Is it a fake? Who knows. But it's on BillyMasters.com.

When Anderson is prepping to slide down a fireman's pole, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Well, now we're back to form. TV, stage, reality, and porn. What more could you want? Well, a website that contains it all - which is www.BillyMasters.com. We didn't have time for a question this week, but I still answer all my mail. So write to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Verdugo hires Armstrong as his lawyer! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.