When it comes to dating I am always over-analyzing every little detail of what a guy says and does, meaning I will be the first to admit I tend to read too much into things. I guess that’s why it always drives me insane when I am just trying to be nice to someone and they can’t read between the lines (aka, I’m not interested). The whole thing got me to thinking, for the sake of our pride and egos…
Do guys need to brush up on their reading skills?
Fishing for a Compliment or Something
“Do you know how many guys check you out,” was how a guy introduced himself to me while I was in the middle of doing preacher curls a few weeks ago. “You must get so much tail.”
Of course I appreciate a compliment. However, when I’m at the gym, I’ve got my headphones on, eyes down and I don’t notice these things. Regardless, I thanked the guy who was easily old enough to be my father and tried to get back into my workout.
“I think I look pretty good for a guy my age,” he went on to say as he proceeded to flex for me and go fishing for a compliment. “You do look great for a guy your age,” was about all I could muster mid-curl, as I agreed with him. “Yeah, but guys don’t look at me like they look at you,” he went on to say, not getting the clue and deciding to share too much. “But I am very popular at the bath house…”
So my “Folsom Fling” ended up being more than a fling and I was very happy with that. Nick had already planned to come to LA for the Atlantis Gay Cruise. After meeting me, he moved his arrival date up two days so we could spend some time together. The whirlwind trip included going to Disneyland, down to San Diego for a night, brunch at the beach, and then back to Los Angeles for dinner at Koi.
After reading about how I described the Folsom adventure Nick was curious to hear and weigh in on what topic I was taking on next and I shared with him some thoughts on my miscommunications at the gym.
“Have you just tried to be up front with him?” he simply pointed out. “I’m more passive aggressive than that,” I explained. “Well maybe you should be more aggressive,” Nick noted with a smile that made me think he wasn’t necessarily talking about the column anymore…
Read Me the Riot Act
So saying goodbye to Nick as he was leaving for a week-long gay cruise had me feeling all sorts of mixed emotions. I had a few great days with him and of course I was sad to see him go. On the flip side, he was going on a wild vacation with several of his friends (and my friends too), so I was kind of jealous, while he was excited for the adventure. Needless to say it left me feeling a little melancholy as I drove back from dropping him off at the cruise ship terminal.
So when my friend Marcellas poked me on Facebook to ask how my weekend with Nick was, I had a mixed response.
Long story short, I said I was probably (definitely) reading too much into things with my own insecurities before adding, “That was me totally fishing for your thoughts on the subject...”
“Well if he doesn't want you he's crazy!” Marcellas insisted. “You are the whole package. Only thing I'd change is your crazy unwillingness to bottom the fuck out.” “That's actually one of the things he really likes about me,” I replied with a smile.
“Guys sure don’t look at me the way they look at you,” a creepy but all too familiar voice said to me, as I was getting ready to do a set of bench presses.
It could have been an unfortunate accident if I was actually in the middle of my set. However that was not what had pushed my button. What had pushed my button was that this was the exact same “conversation” that my little gym admirer had been trying to have with me for the last two weeks.
“But I still think I look good for my age,” he said, again, as he had every time he tried to talk to me since our first encounter. Channeling Nick’s word’s I looked him in the eye and said, “Do you have anything else to say to me, because you have been saying that and asking me the same question every time you get a chance to talk to me and I keep giving you the same answer? Because if there is something more you want from me, it’s not going to happen.”
Message delivered and sometimes it does feel good to be up front.
So maybe I haven’t always been the best at saying what I mean and that’s a big problem when it comes to dating. Whether it’s fending off the advances of an unwanted suitor or making my intentions clear to a romantic interest. Every once in a while someone does come along that you click with and you can ruin a good thing by questioning yourself instead of listening to what they have to say.
I guess that’s why I was so happy when Nick sent me a text from the cruise ship that said, and I quote, “I wish u were here have been thinking about u none stop all week and want to make this work between us.”
And when a guy sends me a message like that from a gay cruise while surrounded by 3,500 vodka soaked men, that’s a message I can read loud and clear… typos and all.