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Filth2Go November 6, 2009

"He's got a hot bod and he knows it. He takes his clothes off. There are no trailers, because it's low budget - but he doesn't even go behind a screen. I've seen him naked more times that I've seen my girlfriend naked." - Jeffrey Ross talks about the still-sexy Steve Guttenberg. Apparently the two guys are in NYC shooting "It's Not You", which sounds like something worth checking out when it hits Netflix in a couple of weeks.

Justin Timberlake is obsessed with me. Clearly he can't accept our rendezvous at the Emmys for what it was - a fleeting passion. You'd think he could leave it there, but no. Now he's been skulking around my hometown of Medford, Massachusetts - which I don't return to till Thanksgiving. I'm sure that's why he was just blocks from the Masters' homestead. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that his latest film project, "The Social Network", about the founding of Facebook, was being filmed in the neighborhood. Timby, you've gotta let this go.

This little trip down Memory Lane reminds me of 1983, when a very youthful Billy told friends how he couldn't wait for that new miniseries, "Five". Of course, that was "V". I had just learned Roman numerals and was always showing off my intellect (until I developed pecs...then I simply relied on V-neck shirts). So, "V" has returned to the airwaves and I'm surprised to say I enjoyed it. But, is it just me or is something up with Scott Wolf? I can't put my finger on it, but the diminutive lad looks odd - and it's not just those unflattering camera angles.

I only caught "V" because it was on before "Dancing with the Stars", which has been very lackluster this season. And, Lord in merciful heaven, if there are two less talented singers than Derek Hough and Mark Ballas, I have not encountered them. Their "song" on the recent results show was one of the most excruciating things I've ever sat through. Painful. But not so painful that I wouldn't sleep with either of them (or nuzzle in between them). Sadly, it looks like we're gonna miss a chance to glimpse Derek in his natural habitat. He was reportedly asked to play gay for an upcoming episode of "Cougar Town", but had to decline because of his busy schedule. "With all the rumors going around, I thought it would be really funny because it's just not true. But I was like, you know what? If that's what you want to see." I hope he and Mark remember that during their live performances.

Kathy Griffin just celebrated her 49th birthday in typical fashion - with the West Hollywood gays. She also used it as an opportunity to celebrate the release of her new CD, "Suckin' It for the Holidays". And where did this swanky soirée take place? At the Abbey, of course. When asked why, Kath explained, "I just heard it was named "Best Gay Bar in the World" [by Logo], so that's where I wanted to be". She eschewed the offer of hanging out in their private VIP room - you can't promote anything that way. Instead, Kath had a guy walk around carrying a 10-foot-long sign promoting her upcoming LA concerts, while she posed for photos in a Mrs. Claus outfit (complete with "Pretty Women" side cut-outs). Pics to follow on BillyMasters.com.

Our own Jack Mackenroth has developed a reality television show that will spotlight NYC's thriving drag community. "The Queens of Drag" will include such luminaries as Lady Bunny, Hedda Lettuce, Sherry Vine, Bianca Del Rio, Peppermint, and Mimi Imfurst, along with a number of younger divas-in-training. Filming of the pilot is almost done, and intriguingly enough, one of the producers is Colt Studios head honcho John Rutherford, who was probably enticed by those nude pics of Jack which are on BillyMasters.com. Good enough for me.

Sir Ian McKellen recently told "Details" magazine that every time he stays in a hotel, he rips pages out of the Bible. The passage in question is Leviticus 18:22, which is commonly translated as "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination." I think I'm really into abominations - elsewhere in the Bible it says that eating shrimp and lobster is an abomination. Of course, the Bible also says that if you curse your parents, you should be put to death. None of us would have gotten through puberty.

While I'm venting, let me just say to a certain television star that no one buys your sudden engagement. I won't shine a light on him, but you don't need to be an investigator to figure this one out.

One of the most gorgeous men around is "The Bold and the Beautiful" Brandon Beemer. If he weren't dating such a stunning woman as Nadia Bjorlin, I'd be jealous. But they're so hot together, I can handle it. I actually can handle that more than those rumors that he was dating Lance Bass, who is simply one of his best friends. Yup, Brandon's very supportive of our community. He took part in photographer Adam Bouska's "No H8" campaign, protesting the ban on gay marriage in California. In fact, he did two photos - one alone, and one with the lovely Nadia with the pair barely covered by a towel. Brandon recently joined the Everyman campaign to raise awareness about prostate and testicular cancer. He didn't show his testicles, but close. The photo, which ran in "Cosmo", leaves very little Beemer to the imagination...just the way I like him. And he showed even more when he joined Nadia for a scorchingly hot nude pictorial for "Italian Vogue". Of course you can see all at BillyMasters.com.

Someone you won't see naked is Brad Paisley. The country star has turned down "Playgirl" magazine several times. "I've got a lot of fans that are teenage girls here and there, and I don't want them buying that magazine just because I'm in it." Again, let me remind people - there is NO "Playgirl" magazine anymore. It's just a website. And a website I would have paid for if nude photos of Brad were there...but that's another story.

Could it be that Levi Johnston is looking at gay porn? Certainly gay porn stars. I'm told that the smartest man in Wasilla wanted to do some research for his upcoming "Playgirl" photo shoot and had his "people" gather as many photos as possible of nude male models - most of whom were gay porn stars. I'm told once he saw them, he was concerned that he might not "measure up". Someone better find a stunt dick or a good fluffer...and fast!

Let me slip in a special thank you to Brent Corrigan. I recently helped launch SDGLN.com, which is a new online gay 'zine for the San Diego community. I was surprised and touched that Brent (and his hot friend Johnny) showed up to support me - and thrill the capacity crowd. Thanks, baby.

When I'm slipping anything into Brent Corrigan, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I'm proud (and shocked) to announce that I have inexplicably been nominated for "Best Personality" by Cybersocket Magazine. Actually, the way the category is describes is: "Well-known personalities including artists, performers, porn stars or other cultural icons." See? I'm an icon! But unlike most icons, I don't have a prayer of winning. That doesn't mean you shouldn't all vote for me anyway. You can go to www.CyberSocketWebAwards.com - or I'll post a link directly on www.BillyMasters.com, which I know you check out regularly. And, like a good icon, I will answer your prayers. Just contact me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Levi quotes Leviticus in his "Playgirl" interview! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.