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Life Beyond Therapy: Fantasy sex

It’s so hard not to compare ourselves to other people. No matter how hard we try, somebody else always seems to have a better life than we do, a better partner, job, car, home or body.

This comparison thing also extends to sex. We imagine what other people do and we see — in videos and movies — hundreds of images of how other people have sex.

After seeing so many perfect-looking people having perfect-looking sex, it’s awfully hard to come up with our own definition of good sex. Instead, many of us fall into the trap of what I call, “fantasy sex.”

Fantasy sex is the kind of sex that we think we should be having, but aren’t. It encourages us to doubt the beauty of the sex lives we have now and wonder if we’re doing something wrong.

This damned comparison thing tells us that we should be having amazing sex like people in videos and movies, when, in reality, even they can’t have that kind of sex off-camera: It’s an illusion, a fantasy … and we fall for it.

I’d like to deconstruct some of the basic tenets of fantasy sex in an effort to show that what I call “real sex” (the sex lives that we actually have) are usually just fine, thank you very much.

Continue reading on SDGLN media partner Gay San Diego.