His adventures are NSFW, and filled with shock, awe and humor.
The European publication Gay Star News honed in on a Yelp reviewer by the name of Kyle W. from Texas who recently went on a trip to Berlin and ventured into a gay sex club, and like Alice in Wonderland has a sudden identity crisis.
His Yelp review contains graphic language and goes into great detail of the things he encountered at the fetish club.
Although his descriptions are too graphic for print here and he doesn't mention his sexuality, they are often humorous given this is seemingly the first time he has ever seen such a grand sexually free spectacle.
He says it all started when he met a few gentleman from London at the hotel bar who said they were on their way to the “world’s coolest nightclub.”
Curious, Kyle was interested in seeing what it was about, and after a quick change of clothes joined the guys as they made their way to club Berghain.
He writes in the review: “Upon arriving...I see this super long line that's leading into what looks like a commercial building of some sort. I'd liken it to a warehouse. It's not inviting at all. The guys from London tell me we are going to cut in line.”
Once inside and passing on the offer of drugs, it wasn’t long before Kyle began to see exactly what clientele frequented the club, in shock he made his way through the mass of people engaging in all kinds of extreme sexual activity.
He documents perhaps the tamest aspects of activity seen during his visit.
“I'm talking open-mouth, tongue kissing.” He writes. “It was very aggressive/disturbing kissing. I didn't even know these dudes were gay! I look around and there are 3 or 4 naked guys dancing all crazy with erections. I decide to go get a beer and I tell myself---maybe I'm in the wrong part of the club? Maybe this is the gay section. Nope. The whole club is the gay section!”
The NSFW review continues on from there, with descriptions of extreme BDSM and public sexual free-for-alls.
Some of the acts he quips remind him of extreme sleights of hand.
“I thought it was a magic trick or an illusion. It WASN'T! The guy that's basically getting impaled is enjoying it!”
Kyle’s adventures continue as he meets a man he describes as looking like a vampire announcing that it's “Slip and Slide” time, something too extreme for description at this publication.
In a perpetual state-of-shock, Kyle finally reaches the exit and after shouting his disapproval at the doorman leaves the club in utter disbelief.
The review ends: “I hail a cab and make it back to my hotel. That was my experience at the ‘worlds coolest night club’..I can handle a lot of stuff, but this place was WAY over the top. I will not be back. Never.”
Although the innocent reviewer never writes anything homophobic about his experience, Kyle's time at Berghain is sure to stay with him and his dreams for the rest of his life.
He left a one-star review.