I was reminded once again this week on how precious life can be, and that reminder has changed me.
I've decided that I most certainly do not want to be an angry person. I don't want to carry anger and bitterness and hatred with me for the rest of my life. I don't want to feel weighed down with the burden of being angry at everyone who has decided that it's the gays who are to blame for what is wrong in their lives.
Lordy, I would never have one moment of peace or happiness if that was the way I chose to live. I've decided to continue the fight for gay equality and dignity, as I always have, but I'm not going to let it take over my spirit, or influence my love of this life I have at this moment.
These folks who like to blame the world for what they believe is lacking in their lives. On some level I totally understand their frustration, but I also believe that at some point in each of our lives we must take responsibility for our own actions, for our own feelings, for our own lives. I mean, if you're older than 30 and you're still blaming your mother and or father or your government for what you perceive as your lot in life, you may want to regroup and look in the mirror.
I'm not saying I won't feel frustration, but frustration is a different devil than anger -- and frustration I do believe I will always have. I will always question, and I will always wonder, but I do not want to be angry and I do not want to waste my precious time here on Earth being angry at everyone who doesn't agree with me, or making sure that what I say or do will make others angry. This is certainly not the way to inner peace or, for that matter, peace in the world.
The other thing I've come to understand is this: No matter what, no one can't regulate how people feel. Others can surely try and can make all the legislation they want, but when I wake up tomorrow morning and the morning after that and for as many mornings as I have left on this Earth, I'm going to be in love with Susan. Try as people might to change that or make it out to be some sort of sin, this is just the way it is. I love her and I'm going to share my life with her. No law will change this fact, not even the nine justices of the U.S. Supreme Court can change that. So let them do what they will … I will still be in love with Susan.
I'm not going to stand on a soapbox and preach it or shove it down your throat or be all in your face about it, but if you ask me then I will tell you. I'm not going to tell people who don't believe I have any right to love Susan how crazy they are, I'm simply going to continue loving her. I'm not going to get all angry and rant about how stupid it is for people to believe my life is not as important as theirs. I'm just going to keep on living my life which includes loving Susan.
I will vote for what is best for my life with Susan, I will write about the injustice and ignorance that exists in the world. But I'm not going to waste my time and my energy being angry or surround myself with people who are constantly angry about something or at someone. One can fight without being angry. One can have a fire in their belly for what is right and just without being angry, and change can happen without a word being spoken out of anger. Speak from love and passion, and what you know to be true in your life, and don’t ever stop believing that change is coming.
And when you feel anger rising within you, remember that no one can regulate your feelings. Not the church not the government, not any one person or any group of people. If you knew you only had a certain amount of days left on Earth, would you want to live them angry because you only had so many days or would you want to fill the time you had with love and happiness with absolutely no regrets? It's your choice; it's always been your choice. Choose wisely.
SDGLN Contributor Barb Hamp Weicksel was born in 1952 in Pennsylvania and moved to California in the early 1980s, where she met her partner Susan. They've been together some 30 years and share the love of Susan's four children, nine grandchildren and four great-grandchildren. Her blog, Barb's Gift of Gab, can be found HERE.