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COMMENTARY: Desperately seeking, more

It is approaching two years since I shared the inner sanctum of my site, those captured search terms folks query that refer them to excusemeimwriting.com. When I first wrote on this topic, in 2009, I found the terms “mysterious, obvious, enlightening, funny, sad, perverse, disturbing, frightening and occasionally idiotic.” I’ve since contemplated the implied context associated with each search, and it’s a toss-up as to which is more startling, the actual words or what they suggest about the people who typed them.

“Is it abuse if hes only hit me once” broke my heart, the fear and unfounded hope implicit in the words. I wanted to reach into cyberspace, wrap my arms around the person who typed that, and say, “Yes it is! Run away, now!” But all I could do was add a note with my phone number to the column that the search engine had found.

One of the more common types of searches queries the sexual orientation of the notable and notorious. Hundreds of “Is [fill in the blank] gay?” searches have brought folks to my site, wondering if various politicians (or their kids), authors, and other people of note are … what, vulnerable to a homophobic attack or an outing? I prefer to hope that these are the searches of the lovelorn, trolling for objects of romantic quest. But their frequency picked up with the GOP presidential primaries, so that hope, too, is likely unfounded.

The multitude of seemingly racist, xenophobic and ignorant searches are, thankfully, outweighed by those without apparent commentary, for example, “jaghori afghanistan,” which ranks high on my site. But then things like “what do afghans call santa” and “what do the people of afghanistan do?” pop up, and our many failures in that distant land are painfully contextualized in Western hegemonic clarity. At least they are asking. …

The clitoris is another very popular search topic that has brought seekers to my site. I suspect most of them are disappointed when they click on the link and find a piece on female genital mutilation — or “genetical mutilation,” as one query was typed. Generally, things sexual dominate all other categories, and I’ve removed the most ridiculous of them from the selection of recent search terms below, but all spelling and syntactical errors are left intact. Sometimes, they’re half the fun.

Enjoy. Or cringe.

Love,

K-B


“signing your life away ” marriages“small barnyard animals”“vintage” weber grill
2010 protection of marriage act petitiona boy and a girl wallpaperabortion in toilet
absence from class because moms dies emailaccidental loveacupuncture female genital
agnostics near fallbrookalien excuse poemsamount of mexicans living in fallbrook
angry man with tv remoteant farm escapedanti-abortion to control women
anti-suffrage menassange and john wayneat home abortion kit
attacks on palinattempted murder survivorsbaby bottle fundraiser poem
barefoot women in new Zealandbattling angelsbe humble
being hit once equals domestic violencebeing put on a pedestal quotesberet gendarme vintage fashion
big tight hugbill horn corruptBoosiasm
bush’s bad executive orderscalifornia ballot initiatives elitecarly fiorina hp failure
censored injusticeceo killed by elephantchild model sexgallery
christian fear of feminismchristian women equalitycircumcising vs not circumcising
clitoris boyclitoris comparisonclitoris long
clitoral mutilationcoed breastcommunist scare fallbrook 1960s
cool rubber bootscowboy crotchescrime, violence at the santa margarita river
crummy church signscsusm matt weaver arrestedculture as an excuse for domestic violence
custom full helmet womens mohawkdavid sedaris’s mother picsdead soldiers sign
death to sexual predatorsdebt solution stellardef comedy jam trying to dispose of me
defenceless involuntary manslaughterdexter morgan blowjobdo not resuscitate marines
double primary paranoiadoublewides with decksdr laura rejected by her mother
dwarf in fallbrook ca diedearth fair 2012 san diego anti abortioneat to your own condemnation
empty canequality poemsethnic clitoris differences
excuse me i’m looking at the waterexcuse me i’m writing here…vagina sprayexcuse me sex
face sags when leaning overFallbrook and racism and 2009fallbrook grove pickers
fallbrook hospital sucksfallbrook pro life canitates for novfallbrook sex dating
fallbrook too many Mexicansfallbrook winery abortionfemale circumcision comparison pictures
feminine hygiene aisle in storefree pool voyeurfrench bistro pissoir
funniest ballot propositionsgenetical mutilationgeorge w. bush misbehaving
god hates fagsgod homosexualitygod loves
good short story for psychiatric ptsGrandmagum tree lane cultivating marijuana fallbrook
h1n1 outbreak in fallbrookhappier than a bird with a french fryhis escuses to hit you
homophobia solutions hotlineshospice “many moons” “james thurber”how did meg whitman wreck ebay
how do ballot initiatives help the elitehow to ryte excuse laterhow to spray paint a ceiling fan
Howrepublicansfeelaboutwelpharei am still reaching through your ribsI hate fallbrook
i just want a wifei’m a 60 year old virgini’m a victim of roe vs wade
i’m alive in christ he’s alive in mei’m an immigrant and lives in illinoisi’m liberal and i’m proud
I’m against sexual preditorsif obama likes baconillustration of courage being exemplified
im sizzling burning hot vote for meim sorry i hit your car and im writingim writing a military guy for the first
im writing a story help me get the wordis it legal to withhold birth control?is jen lancaster pro choice?
italians being lynched in the southjaghori girlsjanet please marry me please before it’s
just smile and pretend everything’s okaykoala alex gauthierkrishna+saltpeter
lesbian neurologistlets talk marriage and familylight through moving fan
lilies of the valley deck my garden walklinda thompson+manatee fiestalove plan b no pregnancy!
lunar landing conspiracy theory mel sangmanhattan declaration promotersmarijuana compound in fallbrook
marine corps wisdommarriage game over stickermarriage same sex talk with kids
matthew shepard fencemeg whitman is a freakmen don’t listen
men fed up with feminismmenopause and feeling squeamishmexican contact with aliens
middle aged mother naked in the scowermombassa big thighsmonsters vs aliens feminism
naked in fallbrooknanny gets 8 years in tot’s beatingnude fallbrook chicks
oj simpson domestic violenceold-timers writing containerparsing sarah palin’s sentences
pashtuns and hazaraspenis exam tubespeople killed by freak accidents
persimon picking fallbrookpoems celebrating womenpoems about how a tree turns into a napkin
possible solutions to homophobiapray not pregnantpretty clitoris
pubic hair toothbrush ritual satanicreaction, godreasons to like obama
religious acts of prejudicereligious freedom ballot measuresrhyming poem on domestic violence
ridiculous initiatives proposed in califrubber bands factorysaint michael protect us truck sticker
satan chained up for one thousand yearssatanic meth smoking ritualssenior citizen parking sign
sex in insane asylumssexy canadianshort skit on lack of hospital in village
short stories on physician compassionsilhouette of woman touching herselfsleeping under ceiling fan
small penis gesturesmall town politics agendasomebody love you somebody hit you
spittoon cowboy spitstop female genital mutilationstudies of equality of men and women
suffrage Italiansuffrage of the holocausttalking to children about same sex marriage
teens in insane asylumsteens party in houses vacancy in fallbrooktelevangelist feminism encourages women
terms of venerythe controversy about the book baby be-bopthe mind has no sex female anatomy
the truth about fiorini and abortion-hometo secure and to serveTom Robbins hiatus
tsa boob gropetypes of shitucsc slug slippers baby
ugliest libraryultrasound jokesuncle milton ant farm ants died?
unite against war on womenunwanted hugus marine corps circumcised
vagina monologues cupcake picturesvagina sprays work?was roald dahl circumcised
weird vagina tattooswhat do afghans call santawhat do ants eat in an ant farm
what do the people of afghanistan do?what does it mean to be a feministwhat does sue monk kidd say about abortion
what does women’s equality day mean todaywhat does wouldn’t be prudent meanwhat is the fear of feminism
what is the initiative industrial complexwhat it means to be a feminist todaywhat items are in a day of the dead altar
what to do when somebody hits youwhat to talk about in gay marriage paperwhen did poetry stop rhyming
which is right im or i’m in writingwho is a sesquipedalianistwho lives in fairbanks ranch
why are men anti abortionwhy bob hope responds to lady avocadowhy can’t men look me in the eye?
why is there a hole in the clitorouswhy sexism persistwhy women fear feminism
will doctors prescribe narcotics for a babywill edd accept death in family as excusewoman with mustache
women’s day editorial summer’s eve adword for the love of painworld war ii bomber crew reunion stories
writing about mewriting about small town culturewwii sweatheart quilt marriage

Kit-Bacon Gressitt's commentary and political fiction can be read on her blog Excuse Me, I'm Writing and is republished by SDGLN, The Ocean Beach Rag and The Progressive Post. She was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize while working for the North County Times. She is also host of Fallbrook's monthly Writers Read open mic and can be reached at kbgressitt@gmail.com.